KidsFirst! Custody Agreements - Parenting Plans » parenting advice

What Age To Begin Driving?

Henry Koltys — Sat, 16 Feb 2008 17:08:44 +0000

Probably the most important question in the mind of your teenager is ‘When will I be able to drive?’ Addressing this issue in the Parenting Plan can avoid any confusion when this question comes up.

Without a doubt, one of the scariest times for a parent is when their child learns to drive. Thoughtful parents try everything to ensure that your child is a safe driver and safe with another adolescent driver.

Check different driver schools, driver safety websites and high school programs to determine the best way to teach driving and safety.

Talk with your state highway patrol about where to view cars involved in fatal accidents and take your child there to see them. Almost everyone knows someone who lost a loved one or friend in a car accident.

Have your child talk with that adult to hear what it means to lose someone that way. Many police departments offer a “ride along program” to take teenagers on rides during patrol. Be creative!!!

Children must understand that driving a car is like wielding a loaded gun and perhaps even more dangerous because others on the road can harm or kill you. A parent must do everything possible to protect the child then let go and pray that she will not be one of the 6,000 teenagers (27 % alcohol related) or 40,000 people killed by cars each year in the U.S. see, http://www-fars.nhtsa.dot.gov and http://www.hwysafety.org/safety_facts/fatality_facts/teens.htm

Here are some good rules of thumb.

First, a car should be a very safe car, whether old or new.

Second, drinking or drugs or other activities that impair perception or ability to drive should be forbidden, subject to denial of driving until 18 because that is the punishment most state law will impose. Remind them that drug and alcohol testing kits are available and if it comes to that, you will suspend their driving privileges before the police. If your state does not have rules about driving and cell phone use, loud music and the number of passenger in the car, consider imposing these conditions for at least six months to one year.

Letting your child get behind the wheel will take some deep breathing and patience. Be consistent about enforcing your rules and also remember you were once in the same situation, so don’t impose rules that are not fair just because your own parents did so.

Rules do matter when it comes to driving so the first rule is to teach your child to drive defensively by you own driving is the best way to avoid or limit risk and injury that comes with driving.

What is the right age to allow your child to get his ‘permit;?

Agreeing with Your Ex

Henry Koltys — Thu, 07 Feb 2008 01:12:01 +0000

In the present, are you and the other parent able to agree and are you two able to resolve children issues without arguing?Truth is often a question of perspective, usually existing somewhere between one side and the other. If both parents are open and smart enough to view the world from the perspective of the other parent, you will be able to reach common agreement leading to real collaboration.Remember that you can best be a peacemaker when you are truly at peace with yourself and that your children will model your behavior, good or bad.

A parent may want peace at any cost, but not realize the “real” cost is too expensive until it is too late. If you hide negative feelings about a situation because you have always believed that everything would go more smoothly to just “go along,” you may be causing bigger problems for you and your family.

If you do not allow yourself to feel the loss when relationships change or end, however harmful it may be, you may be missing a great opportunity for significant personal improvement and growth. Pay careful attention when you experience too much or too little feeling about a conflict because it may indicate you may be ignoring your true feelings.

Showing your true face and true feelings would honor your honest experience. Expressing yourself without being mean or harmful, even if those feelings are anger or frustration, will help in many ways. Using this opportunity to explore personal issues and express your honest feelings, you encourage others involved to do the same.

Taking responsiblity for your feelings In the safe environment of therapy could help create an authentic collaborative relationship with the other parent.

There are many forms of self-inquiry and many types of services available, from traditional therapy to church counseling. You may even have a wise friend or relative you would trust when talking about your negative feelings. To be most helpful, share your feelings with a safe and objective listener who will not criticize or judge you, the other parent or your situation.

Custody Agreement Questions

Henry Koltys — Thu, 07 Feb 2008 01:11:10 +0000

Do you both agree to have the same custody agreements for all your children? If both parents agree on joint custody, the next question should be: “How does this arrangement benefit our child?” If he is very young, making an agreement to move him from one parent’s home to the other several times each week is too disruptive.

If your child moves from one house to the other without a enough time to adjust and find a consistant rythmn, he may begin to feel unsafe and emotionally unstable. It is important to establish consistent routines in each home because children need structure.

Longer periods of time spent with each parent may be preferable so one week on and one week off may be a better arrangement.

Legal Help

Parents can agree to have a different custody agreement for each child. Because of the difference in ages, the rules may well be different for each child.