KidsFirst! Custody Agreements - Parenting Plans » co-parenting

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Henry Koltys — Mon, 03 Mar 2008 16:20:57 +0000

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Effective Co-Parenting

Henry Koltys — Mon, 03 Mar 2008 15:27:58 +0000

Parenting together is the unspoken agreement we make with our partner or spouse when we both decide to have children and become parents. Having been children ourselves, we know that parents who cooperate and share responsibility are acting in the best interests of the child. We also know that when parents refuse to cooperate and fail to agree on how to raise a child, it is the child who ultimately suffers.

Even though your relationship with the other parent has changed, there is no reason to end the spirit of cooperation and teamwork that worked so well in the past. If your relationship has always been difficult, this is the time for learning and improvement. Although your family no longer lives together after you separate or divorce, you are still a family, you are still parents and your children still need your parenting and love free of conflict. In fact, even when children are eighteen and co-called adults they look to us for advice, support and help—so we continue to honor our agreement because parenting together is what they need, what they deserve, and what is right.

Before deciding who does what and when regarding the children, know that the agreements that you make are not cast in stone but can and will change over time. Why? Because nothing remains the same—people change, feelings change, situations change, lives change and life itself changes. Parenting works best when each parent remains open to change and expects nothing and nobody to stay the same. Smart parents are flexible in their response to change—thinking of solutions before criticizing something new.

What all this means is to expect the unexpected! While you may plan to be with your son on his birthday, that may change when you have to work or your mother is sick. You may find that you have more time available to you and may want to trade for a day or weekend that you missed. So remember that your willingness to cooperate sets an example and allows you to take the lead in a positive way. Your example creates a non-threatening opportunity, allowing the other parent to cooperate in an equally positive way. When both parents cooperate, remain flexible and are willing to adapt, accommodate and change, everything eventually works out—and your kids will always come first!

Shared Custody vs. Joint Custody

Henry Koltys — Tue, 19 Feb 2008 18:02:28 +0000

If both parents agree on shared custody, the next question should be: “How does this arrangement benefit our child?”

Kids-Plus! benefits the child by asking these questions of both parents.

If he is very young, making an agreement to move him from one parent’s home to the other several times each week is too disruptive.

If your child moves from one house to the other without a enough time to adjust and find a consistent rhythms, he may begin to feel unsafe and emotionally unstable.

It is important to establish consistent routines in each home because children need structure.

Longer periods of time spent with each parent may be preferable so one week on and one week off may be a better arrangement.

What works for your family?